wanna go halves on a baby?
...so i touched it.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
