He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
