Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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