Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
