I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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