arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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