She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
