Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
