i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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