I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
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YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
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Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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