I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
