well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize