I think I am morally bankrupt
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Girls should come with a carfax report
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
