Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Randomize
