so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize