In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
He uses pillows to masturbate.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize