Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I love you. Go after that dick
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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