If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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