I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
There's always time for handjobs
I booty called her while she was in labor.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
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