shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Randomize
