Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Randomize