i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
