she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
