maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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