Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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