She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
he fucked my hip out of place.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Randomize
