Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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