Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
