i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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