I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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