is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Randomize
