I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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