some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize