Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Randomize
