I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Randomize
