Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize