I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
