The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
We had sex on a dog bed..
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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