This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize