you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
a search helicopter?!
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
