this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
He did a backflip because drugs
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
