Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
