I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
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