I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
