somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I think weed is turning my hair brown
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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