Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
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