i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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