i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
