Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I just want nice things and good sex
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
