I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
now i know why i became what i already was.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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