No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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