I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Randomize
