Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
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