I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize