you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
