Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
