btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
