my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
