is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
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