haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
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