In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
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you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
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I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I'm like, not good at living.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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